We have come out into the light...

As some of you blogites may have observed, our posts have been a little thin on the ground lately. While you may have thought that we were surfing by day and gorging ourselves on culinary feasts by night, I’m afraid that the reality is less attractive.

For the last week, we have been scouring Sydney for a car to take us on our expedition to skivery. It was not a particularly palatable experience and I have come to the conclusion that all used car salesmen should be promptly rounded up and dispatched of at the earliest possible convenience. Their smug, self-assured attitude infuriated me. I found that when they spoke, it was not words that came out of their mouths but vile and putrid sounds that were laced with lies and treachery. What I found to be particularly fascinating was the fact that they expect you to believe in their integrity. Fools.

There was, however, one lesson to be learned. Used car salesmen will bully women, or try to. It was amusing to see them try to be heavy handed with my wife. They had clearly failed to do their homework. If they had, they would have known that Ju is a) French b) a teacher c) Rose’s daughter and d) in a perpetual state of chocolate withdrawal. Had they known all of this, they would have taken a different approach. Much to their chagrin, those that didn’t heed the obvious warning signs quickly understood that my wife doesn’t take any crap from anyone, especially not condescending, knobbly kneed nincompoops.

Asides from the sales yards, we also made a daily descent into ‘The Car Market’. This is where slimy, filthy, diseased and flea-ridden backpackers come to sell their vans after touring Australia. This place can only be described as a cold, gloomy and damp subterranean cavern filled with the smell of urine and cannabis smoke hanging thick in the air. Each vehicle must be accompanied by its soap dodging owner who will try to convince you that his stench filled, vomit coated, rust ridden vehicle is ‘perfect’ for our ‘romantic’ trip. While my wife bravely remained open minded and insisted in exploring each seemingly repugnant vehicle for its benefits, I remained at a comparatively safe distance, urging Ju onwards to the next vehicle.

As it happens, it was in this place that we found a combination of what we wanted. I wanted a ruddy great big 4X4 to tear-up the outback and knock over a Kangaroo to BBQ and Ju wanted a wee bit of comfort. So we bought a Nissan Patrol LPG (GPL), which means it will save a massive amount in fuel and is more economical than petrol. It even came with a surf board and a body board. So we are all set then. The best of all is that we no longer have to descend into Hades or make deals with devils...

I quite happen to agree.